Does He Want You In His LIfe?

Here’s a letter from Laura that puts us right into a place we’re all familiar with – the place where we’re SO focused on trying to figure out, intuit, ascertain, reason out, ask…”What he feels for us” that we lose touch with ourselves and our “real place” – where life is actually happening.

“Hi, Rori-

When I look in the mirror and ask myself if Robert wants me in his life, I feel a resounding “Yes.” I feel it through my body, into my toes.

And then I second guess myself, tell myself to deal with reality the way it’s showing up around me. I haven’t heard from him in 3 weeks.

The actions that I’m choosing are all ones of self love. I joined a gym. I’m going out, flirting. Circular dating. I’m paying attention to my self talk and switching. You would be proud of me.

So whether the me in the mirror is right or not doesn’t change the way I am behaving. Or why.

I guess I’ve been second guessing myself so much….

If it feels that true to me when I ask myself the question “Does Robert want me in his life?” – and it does – can I trust myself on that? Or does the mind play tricks?

I can be happy without this man. I know that.

To be honest, I feel surprised by the resonance with which the “Yes” is there.

Am I even asking a clear question? If we already know the answer, how do we know to trust? I almost feel guilty for believing when it flies in the face of what is going on in the real world.

I feel kind of ashamed to believe it, like I am flunking out of your class.

Your thoughts though, would be gratefully received. Your answer I would not second guess.

Thanks, Laura

My Answer:

Laura – The answer is very simple: It doesn’t MATTER what you think.

The fact that your mind is on him at all, your thoughts are around him – that’s what you do NOT want.

A man just “does.” He shows up, he calls, he asks you out, he Rows the Boat. There is none of what you’re going through.

Your ability to KNOW if he “wants you in his life” is irrelevant, because you CAN’T know what he’ll do with that information.

Because it doesn’t MATTER what he wants, or what he thinks.

It only matters what he does.

It only matters if what he does feels good to you

It only matters (once you’ve done the work with yourself to know when you’re falling into old patterns and wrestling with what “IS” instead of seeing clearly  and Radically Accepting what IS) if what he does feels sufficient to keep your mind from “going to him” all the time.